Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Unsteady

Thursday night is trivia night at the deli. I go every week. Team or no team. I don't know why I like it so much. But it's always a blast. Part of it probably has to do with the guys who run trivia night- they are hilarious. And part of it probably has to do with me being a big 'ole geek. And, perhaps, part of it has to do with it being $1 PBR night.  ;)

It's good times.

Well, I figure at this point it might be advisable to give you a little information on myself... If you're reading this then you ought to have a little idea up front of what type of crazy I am. Besides, as I've said, my therapist recommended 'journaling', so it might be a good idea to give a little time to my madness. ;)

I have ADD (formerly ADHD) and Borderline Personality Disorder. The National Institute of Mental Health defines BPD as "a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days." I have a seriously distorted and unstable self-image/sense of self, I have abandonment issues, crazy mood swings that can come and go in a matter of hours or even minutes, I struggle almost daily with feelings of emptiness and lack of purpose (sometimes even lack of self... that one's a little hard to describe), and occasionally I have massive dissociative events (these are related to the lack of self thing). The NIMH also says that studies show that folks with BPD may see anger in an emotionally neutral face and have a stronger reaction to words with negative meanings than people who do not have the disorder. That is definitely true. So, yeah, not super fun. I manage though. And we've just about got my medication cocktail sorted, which helps immensely.

I suppose I should tell you about how these symptoms reveal themselves in my daily life, specific issues, events, etc. Hmmm. Maybe tomorrow.



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