Tuesday, October 24, 2017

So... Today is a PANIC Day...

As a general rule, I have much more trouble with depression than with anxiety. But sometimes, on days like today, my anxiety spikes for no discernible reason. My heart races, I can't focus, and everything just feels unbearably overwhelming. I also tend to sort of bite/chew the sides of my tongue when this happens... which makes for an annoyingly sore mouth.

It seems like I ought to be able to point to something, however small, that trips these 'fits'. If I could do that, perhaps I could address it and calm myself down. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I just want to run away... from what or to where, I have no idea. Just away. Just not whatever this is. Or wherever this is.

Having this feeling at work is extra shitty. I'm on edge and every task just seems bigger somehow. I've got a few minutes to myself right now, so I thought that sort of 'talking it out' here on my blog would help. It doesn't really... at least not much. Probably because I know I have other things that I need to get to soon. I just can't wait for this day to be over. I can feel my heartbeat in my neck and the accumulating tension is seriously causing issues to my 'Captain Ed Shoulder'... I'll tell you that story in detail later, but the short version is that it's an old injury that flares up and causes me a lot of pain sometimes. This is one of those times.

I need a masseuse.

And maybe a drink.

Maybe I'll take a book and go to the deli after work. Just chill out, read, and have a beer or two. It might take the edge off. Hopefully.

Well, if there's anyone reading this, you're probably bored to death. I'll spare you any further suffering and go back to work.

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