Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Why Don't I Like Anything?

I've been struggling lately. Early this year I got a new job--more focused work, better pay, etc. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm really not. Like, soooo not.

I'm working in Indirect Procurement for a manufacturing company, so, basically, I buy all the things that don't go into production. I generate Purchase Orders, negotiate with suppliers, and research new suppliers as needed.

It's stressful.

It isn't particularly rewarding or fulfilling work.

I don't think I want to stay here...

But I don't know what I DO want to do.

I've been pouring over job ads for the past month and there really isn't anything that makes me think, "Wow! That would be a job I could actually enjoy doing." But shouldn't there be? I mean, maybe most people hate their jobs, but I can't function in a world where 40+ hours of my week are miserable. I'm not stout enough for that. And life is so short--why waste so much of your life doing something that means nothing to you? Something that is a drain on your spirit?

So, that brings me to my big question today: Why don't I like anything?

Everything sounds basically awful. Unlike my sister or my husband, I don't have some particular area of interest that I can pursue. There's nothing out there that I find particularly interesting. Is this just normal? Do I need my meds adjusted again?

What trait do I lack that allows other people to continue to work jobs that offer them no satisfaction? My co-workers don't seem to like their jobs any more than I do, but they don't appear to be having the same sort of existential crisis that I am. It's not that I'm lazy... I WANT to do something. I just can't figure out what the hell that 'something' is.

I have seen one job recently that I found sort of appealing: a freelance writer position. That sounds potentially interesting, but I'm afraid I don't have the background to actually get the job. I'm working on a cover letter... hopefully it will be awesome and convince them I'm the ideal candidate. I would get to research a wide variety of topics, work remotely, and make decent money. It could be the change I need. I guess we'll see what happens...

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