Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Mindfulness Meditation/CBT: Apparently not bunk

So, for the past month (since the unfortunate episode) I've been attempting mindfulness meditation as a means of improving my state of mind, decreasing stress and depression, and generally lessening the urge to crawl in a hole. I suppose, more specifically, I've been practicing mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy. It's supposed to help with the ability to become aware of incoming thoughts/feelings and accept them without attaching or reacting to them. Basically, it's the zen art of turning nasty thoughts and feelings into water off a duck's back.

And here's the thing-


Image result for mindfulness meme

I have to admit that, initially, I didn't expect much other than possibly being a little calmer and more content while meditating/doing the mindfulness stuff. However (color me surprised), I've been noticing an overall improvement in my mood as well as my ability to prevent 'unpleasant stimuli' from pushing me over the edge.

I'm very interested now in seeing if there is a therapist around here that is experienced in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It apparently has 'mindfulness' as the core and was developed for treating people with BPD. This is a long shot, since no one has ever commented on this blog, but anybody out there know anything about Dialectical Behavior Therapy? Good? Bad?

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

So Much Failing

Well, it's been a heck of a week.

I've been trying really hard to maintain a healthy, happy attitude as much as possible: doing mindfulness exercises, breathing exercises, cutting back on my alcohol consumption, etc.

It's only helped a little. Possibly less than I thought, though, seeing as how about 15 minutes into my last session my therapist said, "How about we just pick this up in 3 weeks?"

I did not, and still don't, know how to take this. Did I just fail at therapy? It certainly seems so. Maybe she thought I didn't feel like talking or being there or something. Or maybe she just gave up on me for the day. I don't know. I've been trying really hard not to take it personally or to overthink it. But, really, how do you not?

Also, I recently applied for a different position in my department. Last week I had an initial interview via phone and was told that I'd know by either Friday or Monday whether I would get a second, in-person, interview. Yesterday was Monday. The day came and went and I didn't hear anything. Part of me assumed that meant that I didn't get an interview, but I had really thought that since the person doing the interviews (we'll call her Susan) works in the same office suite as me that she'd actually say something to me one way or the other. This morning, a young man came in and said he had an interview with Susan for the such-and-such position. And there I was, having to play happy greeter to this fella and getting him where he needed to be... and that's how I found out I didn't get a second interview. Awkward.

So, yeah. The past few days have been less than awesome. I'm trying not to dwell on it.

I don't have anything else to say right now. Hope your week is going better than mine. /hugs