Friday, January 7, 2022

That Time I Found a Baby

 So, it was a normal morning. The husband had already left for work and I was making my way out the door when I encountered a tiny human (probably like 2 years old?) on the sidewalk outside my door. I was momentarily dumbstruck. We stood and stared at each other for what felt like an awkwardly long time. I looked around the parking lot... no one around. What to do? Do I just assume someone knows about this child and continue to my car? She was very small and didn't walk great. Shit. I can't just leave her here. I bent down and asked her where she lived. She pointed a chubby little finger at the apartment next to mine so I walked over and knocked on the storm door. The main/inner door was open, but all the lights were off. I rang the bell. I knocked some more. No answer.

I turned around and the little girl was still standing there, barefoot, staring at me and looking very distraught. It was chilly out and she was just in a little dress. I went back in the apartment and got my smallest cardigan and came back out and put it on her. I was at a loss. Should I call the police? Surely one of her parents is around here somewhere. I asked her where her mommy was and quickly found out that this tiny human did not yet speak sensible English. Again, shit. We spent quite some time trying to communicate until I finally just asked her if she could show me where her mommy was and she pointed across the street. Okay. Progress. I looked at her bare feet and then at the cold, nasty parking lot... then back at her tiny bare feet. Did I mention that I'm not good with kids? I bent down again and asked her if I could pick her up. She nodded. I picked her up and positioned her on my hip. She was a heavy little thing. Okay... so the plan is to pick up some stranger's child and let her direct me across the street to God knows where... this can't possibly go wrong.

I looked at my watch. Shit. Going to be late for work. I pulled out my cell and called my boss at the time: "Hey, I'm going to be late... I found a baby in my parking lot..." I wish I could have seen his face. I'm sure it was priceless.

So me and tiny human start to walk out of the apartment complex toward a random house across the street when a car pulls into the parking lot.

"Papa!!!" screams the tiny human.

Shit. He's going to think I'm freaking kidnaping his baby. I hustle along behind the car to where it parks. A large man steps out of the car with a, let's say, 'distressed' look on his face. I immediately hold the child out at arms length and say, "I found her out here and she said her mom was across the street..." He took the child, glared across the street, muttered something in a language I do not know, and then disappeared into his apartment. I was left standing alone in the parking lot, baffled. Well, jeeze, you're welcome.


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